Back to Good
by drtioor
Summary: After the wedding, it takes awhile for things to go back to normal for Amy and Karma. But they eventually do. However, Karma leaves Amy more confused than ever one morning. Fills tumblr prompt "Accidental Stimulation"
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **This is my first time writing FF ever. It's also my first attempt at writing anything even vaguely sexual, so bear with me here. I didn't proofread it or anything because I was way to embarrassed. This takes place after the wedding. I also hit the "Accidental Stimulation" prompt in here, but I'm not sure if it's in the way that people want. As of now, it's just a one-shot, but I suppose I could continue if people like it enough?

For the first time in a long time, Amy felt like everything was back to normal. Yeah, it hurt that Karma didn't feel the same way about her. But honestly, she didn't expect anything different. At least Karma never really brought it up or made her feel ashamed of her feelings. Her confession during the wedding had just largely gone ignored, and for that Amy was thankful. The bigger problem was what happened after the wedding.

She had fucked Liam Booker. Or he had fucked her. Amy didn't really care for the semantics of it. It was quick and awkward and painful and quite honestly the worst thing that she had ever done. When she got sick the next morning, she was pretty sure it was more from the shame than it was the copious amount of alcohol that she had downed.

At first, she tried to pretend like it never happened. She and Liam resolved to never tell Karma. She spent three whole hours in the shower trying to scrub away the feel of him from her skin. By the time she was done, she was red and raw and the water had run ice cold. She tried to just spend the remainder of the day sleeping, but every time she closed her eyes he was there on top of her. The weight of his body was too heavy and his broad chest was far too hard.

Worse yet, when she finally manage to fall asleep, she dreamt of the situation all over again, but with Karma walking in on it to just top it all off. In her dream, Karma looked at her with venom she never believed was possible. And then she was shouting insults that she never thought Karma would use on her like "Slut" and "Bitch." Right before rushing out with a half-dressed Liam in tow, she had even declared her hatred for Amy. And in that moment, Amy had no doubt that she meant it.

Funnily enough, it was this nightmare that convinced Amy that she absolutely had to tell Karma. She had already spent too long with the guilt of living a lie holding her down. She knew that lying about this would absolutely kill her. And so, that very night she called Karma over to her house. Bruce and her mom will still on their honeymoon and Lauren was out doing whatever she did, so they had the house to themselves.

Everything that Amy had been holding in poured out in a rush. She could not keep any of the words in. She meant to just tell her about the One Night Stand from Hell, but it turned in to a rant about everything that had been happening to her for the last few weeks and everything that she had felt. Karma sat there and nodded and rubbed her hand sympathetically. She even threw in a few apologies, which made Amy feel so much worse. When she finally did get to the part about losing her virginity to Liam Booker, Amy was not surprised to feel Karma withdrawal her hand. She was also not surprised about how much she missed the warmth. How much weaker she felt with Karma's support. And in that moment, it felt like the end of everything. Their friendship, any chance at a relationship they could've ever had. Hell, it felt like the end of the world.

Karma stood and walked over to Amy's window. Neither of them could even look at each other. Amy had no more words. The only noise in the room came from Amy's semi-silently sobbing. It felt like Karma spent hours glancing out of the damn window with absolutely no response. Amy needed her to do something. To yell, to scream, to run out, or even to fucking hit her. She needed to respond because the silence and the shame were killing her slowly. Amy thought she was prepared for anyway that Karma might've responded. However, when Karma finally turned around, she realized how wrong she was.

Karma had never looked more pained in her life. It took everything Amy had for her to not rush over and immediately try to comfort her. Karma opened and shut her mouth a few times, waiting to find the right words.

"Aimes," she started "I want to forgive you. You have no idea how badly I want to just move on from all of this. From everything that has happened. And I realize that you made a mistake and that you feel awful about it. I've done some really, really shitty things too in the past few weeks. But this betrayal is way too much for me to move on from right now. Way, way too much."

She moved toward Amy and then grabbed her hand, softly running her thumb across Amy's knuckles.

"I will forgive you. And we will be so happy together again. I promise Amy. I will even pinky swear on it. I just need time. Can you give me that?"

Amy simply nodded. There was nothing for her to say. Nothing for her to do. Honestly, this had gone so much better than she ever expected. That didn't stop her heart from aching as she watched Karma walk out with her head hung low. Nor did it help to ease the pain of being outright avoided by Karma in the halls of Hester High for the next few weeks. But at least it gave her hope. There was a light at the end of this long, shitty tunnel.

And now, as she lay tangled in her bed with Karma on this warm Sunday morning, she realized she was basking in it. Last night, Karma had showed up to the Raudenfeld-Cooper with a huge thing of cookie dough and _Clueles_s. She told Amy that they were long overdue for a bestfriends night and what better way was there for her to rectify that than with junk food and a 90's classic? Somehow, suddenly Karma had forgiven her. Now, she was content to just let things fall back into place.

They cuddled up together like they always had. After the movie ended and they flipped over to HGTV, they even started arguing over what house was superior during an episode of _House Hunters_. Amy felt amazing. She didn't think she had ever felt happy. She may not have had Karma's love, but at least she had Karma in some capacity. Amy could find a way to feel like that was enough. As they started to drift off to sleep in each other's arms, Amy definitely felt like it was enough. Their friendship could satisfy her, right?

Her reminiscing was cut off when she felt Karma shift in her sleep. Normally, this would be fine. Right now, it was the opposite. Karma's movement made Amy realize that her thigh had ended up pressed right between Karma's legs. Her sleep shorts had ridden up, so her bare skin was pressed directly again the thin fabric of Karma's worn out flannel pants. And Amy could feel Karma's warmth straight through it. She froze, trying to think of a way to extract herself from the situation.

But Karma shifted again. And again. And again. Amy suddenly felt way too fucking hot. Karma was basically grinding against her bare thigh and it was wonderful and Amy couldn't have even moved if she wanted to. Karma's core seemed to be burning Amy's skin. The friction was delicious. Not only could she feel how hot Karma was, but she thought she even felt a trace of slickness. Karma's gyrating became more frenzied in tone and then suddenly she moaned. She fucking moaned. It was the sweetest sound Amy had ever heard. It sent shocks right down to her center and made her stomach clench in the most amazing way. Nothing had ever existed in the world that was as perfect as the noise that Karma just made.

Amy couldn't even bring herself to give a fuck about who Karma was dreaming about because right now, the unintended effects felt way too damn good. Even if it was Liam who was giving Karma this pleasure, Amy could still enjoy the way Karma was riding her. It wasn't dirty or perverted to let your sleeping friend molest you, right? Suddenly, Amy began to feel guilty. Once again, she found herself trying to figure out a way out of this situation. This was wrong. This was so fucking wrong. Karma would never forgive her for taking advantage like this. She was going to stop this now and never bring it up. Karma didn't need to know, because she would just be mortified.

Amy brought her hands up to Karma's shoulders so she could start gently pushing Karma off. Karma, on the other hand, only began to thrust harder and moan louder. But Amy had morals and she had self-control, damn it. She wasn't going to let this get out of hand. She was going to wake her friend up and pretend like nothing happened and totally not spend many lonely evenings using the memory of this situation as reached her hands under the waistband of her loose sweats. She was better than that. She was a good friend. She was…

"Amy" Karma breathed. "Amy please"

Suddenly her whole world came crashing down. She had quite easily figured out that Karma was having a sex dream. Amy had enough of those in the past few weeks to recognize the signs. But she had never even for a second considered that Karma could've been dreaming about her. That was impossible. Karma didn't want Amy to touch her or feel her or kiss her or lick her, did she?

"Fuck Amy. Yes! Right there" Karma moaned as the thrust downwards against Amy's thigh, leaving a little pool of wetness.

Karma wanted her. Or at least, Karma's subconscious did. Fuck. Karma wanted her. Amy needed to know exactly what was happening in this dream. What spot did she just hit so well? Where were her hands? Were they tangled in Karma's long hair or squeezing her ass? And was her tongue buried in Karma's mouth or somewhere else. Somewhere much lower…

"Whoa…" Amy muttered to herself as the gravity of the situation finally hit her. The gravity of Karma's grinding and thrusting and moaning and talking.

Suddenly, Karma stopped and froze. Glancing down, Amy realized that she was now awake. And as they made eye contact, Amy felt her heart flutter a bit. Beneath the grogginess and sleepy confusion that was cloudy Karma's eyes, Amy saw something much deeper.

"Amy…"


	2. Chapter 2

"Amy…"

Time had stopped. The world was frozen. Amy couldn't move or breathe. Karma was awake. Karma was aware of what she had been doing. And now, Karma was struggling against her. Once again, she was trying to avoid a situation. Trying to run away from her problems or her feelings or whatever was going on in her pretty little head. And as Karma was squirming against her and trying to untangle their sweaty limbs, Amy realized that she was done letting Karma get away. Fuck that. It was clear what Karma wanted. It was clear _who _she wanted. And now was Amy's chance, probably her only chance, to experience something she had previously only dreamed of. Gaining a newfound sense of confidence from her realization, Amy pinned Karma to the bed.

"I had a… nightmare" Karma mumbled into Amy's neck as she continued to struggle against Amy's grasp.

Capturing both of Karma's dainty wrists in one hand, Amy raised them above Karma's head, further trapping her.

"I heard you Karma. I felt you" Amy said, her voice heavy with lust.

Karma's pupils were darkened to the point of looking black. Amy felt a twinge of uncertainty as she detected fear in Karma's eyes, but she was not going to let that stop her. Amy had fought her feelings for too long and it had been so fucking hard. She wasn't going to let Karma make the same mistake. She wasn't going to let this opportunity drift away. Amy pressed her thigh flush against Karma's center again and moved to lay atop her, leaving Karma no route for escape. Karma gasped.

"I know you want me. Don't fight it baby. Just give in. Let me make you feel good." Amy rocked against Karma deliberately.

"But our friendship…"

"Shhh. Don't worry about that. Friends do this all the time. I'm just giving you a hand. Helping you to release some tension. Fooling around is normal."

It didn't matter at the moment that it was a lie. Amy knew in her heart that she needed more than that, that she needed all of Karma. But in this moment, she knew that something was better than nothing. And maybe this would be what convinced Karma that she needed all of Amy as well.

Karma relaxed against her some. Amy began to press kisses to her jaw and neck. Karma was the sweetest thing that she had ever tasted, like vanilla and strawberries and everything that was good in the world all at once. It was intoxicating. She began to nibble at the skin, overcome with a desire to mark Karma as her property, no matter how short the duration of her ownership truly was.

"And what about Liam?" Karma breathed, stopping Amy in her tracks.

"What about him? It's just me and you here baby."

After a pause, Amy's hands had drifted under Karma's loose sleep shirt. It was one that she had borrowed from Amy. While she found it indescribably hot to see Karma in her clothes, Amy would much rather have seen it off. But she couldn't press her luck quite yet. Instead, she danced her fingers across Karma's taut abdomen. Karma's heat was burning her, but nothing in the world could've caused her to pull away.

"Did he ever make you feel this good?" Amy asked, beginning to move her hands towards Karma's chest. "Did he ever make you moan like _that_?"

In a move more suave than Amy had ever been able to think herself capable of, her mouth attached to Karma's pulse point in perfect timing with her question. Karma practically melted into her, slowly beginning to rock against Amy. Her breath was ragged and the rapid rising and falling of her chest made Amy want to tear her damned shirt off.

"Are you thinking of him now? Do you wish he was touching you instead of me baby?" Amy whispered into Karma's ear, nibbling on the lobe.

"Amy…" It seemed as though Karma could barely get words out "this is a bad idea."

"Can't you feel how wet you are for me? I know I can even through your pants. And fuck it's making me hot. Tell me what I was doing in your dream baby. I'll do it all. I'll do more. Just tell me what you want"

Amy needed some sense of assurance. Her confidence was waning. Yes, Karma had seemed turned on while she was dreaming. And she most certainly had moaned her name like a horny parrot only a few moments ago. But Amy could never bring herself to actually further the situation while Karma was protesting so much. Maybe she didn't want this. Maybe it was just a dream. Amy remembered how confused she was in sixth grade after having a sexy dream about her fat and balding history teacher. When she finally fessed up to the dream to Karma, her friend had just laughed it off and said that sometimes the brain did weird things. That was probably all it was. Karma didn't want her. Karma couldn't want her. She actually did have a nightmare and now Amy was adding to the horror by forcing herself onto her best friend just as their relationship started to become normal. She was an awful person.

Amy released Karma's wrists and quickly pulled away. She arose from the bed and pushed her hair back from her face, turning her back to Karma. Taking some breaths to steady herself, Amy began to move toward the bathroom to splash some cold water over her face before she retreated completely. Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck._ What had she been thinking?

Just as she was about to exit the room, Amy heard rustling from the bed. It took everything in her to not turn around and scope out the expression on Karma's face.

"Amy. What are you…?" Karma paused and then cursed under her breath "More. I need more. Fuck it Amy. I need _you_."

Amy went into autopilot. She felt like she was living in a daze as she turned around to face her friend. Karma sat on the edge of the bed, propped up on her elbows. Her cheeks were flushed a deep red, highlighted by the bold hue of her ruby lipstick that had only slightly faded since last night. Hair mused and chest heaving, she beckoned Amy toward her. Once she was close enough, Karma grabbed Amy's hips and brought her in so that she nestled between the gorgeous brunette's legs. This was it. This was really it. Finally, Amy had her chance to do everything she wanted to Karma. Now, she just needed to take action.

Picking Karma up, Amy threw the girl back on the bed. She then joined her friend, crawling up to straddle Karma's hips. Reaching under her shirt, Amy began to knead the brunette's breast. It fit into her hand perfectly and existed in the perfect middle ground between soft and firm. The only thing that felt better than Karma in her hands was the gratification that was surging through her body with each of Karma's moans and pants. As she tweaked a nipple, Karma's breath hitched. Overcome with a wave of affection, Amy finally brought their lips together. Karma wasted no time in joining her in the kiss. And for the first time, they added tongue. Fuck. So this was what it felt like to really kiss Karma…

"My shirt Amy" Karma gasped out between kisses.

"What?" Amy was drunk off of the taste of Karma and couldn't for the life of her follow along.

"Take it off Amy. I need to feel your skin on mine."

She needed no further prompting. Within the moment, both of their shirts were on the floor along with her long forgotten comforter. Amy was hyperaware of the feeling of Karma's breasts flush against her own. She had never felt this hot in her life. She never would again. What had happened with Liam had nothing on this. Amy was sure that no one had ever felt anywhere near as good as did in this moment. And yet, she needed more. She need to make Karma let go. She needed to make her realize.

"Can I touch you?" Amy heard her own voice crack as she posed the question, showing her vulnerability

"Where?" Karma asked distractedly, pulling Amy even closer to her.

"Anywhere. Wherever you want me to."

"Everywhere" Karma pulled away from Amy, forcing the two to make eye contact.

With this, Amy tugged Karma's flannel pajama pants down. If that was a challenge, she was not going to back down. Karma's choice of underwear clearly showed that she had not expected their sleepover to turn out like this. The hot pink boy shorts also stated the wrong day of the week. Amy chuckled to herself as she pulled them off her friend, finally revealing what had so consistently plagued her dreams for the past few months.

Fuck. Karma was not beautiful. She was not gorgeous, nor was she stunning. She was so much more. There were no words she could use to describe her beauty. Nothing would ever be enough. Nothing would do her justice. The top literary minds from history could spend centuries describing every curve of Karma's body, every smooth line and perfect angle and still never capture her beauty. It was impossible. Nothing as inadequate as language could describe her perfection. The only thing Amy could think to do was worship Karma's body like the temple that it was.

Her lips began to trail fiery paths across every inch of Karma's body. As far as Amy knew, she would never get this opportunity again. She took care to memorize Karma. To map every spot that made her moan in her mind. Karma particularly liked it when Amy sucked the hollows right next to her hipbones.

But, Amy couldn't shake Liam in this moment, no matter how hard she tried. She was constantly hoping that she was making Karma squirm as he never had. That those moans she was hearing had never graced the man's ears. That he never saw her face scrunch up in desire or felt Karma's small hands tangle in his hair, drawing his head further into her perfect body.

"Did he ever make you feel this good?" The question escaped before Amy could stop it.

"No. God no." Karma moaned as she pushed Amy's head further down.

Amy realized that Karma wanted her face _there_. She froze. She might be a lesbian or a Karmasexual, but she wasn't prepared for this. She needed it to be perfect. Better than Liam had ever done. Good enough to keep Karma coming back. To ensure that she was the only thing on the girl's mind. She had trouble looking at her own vagina. How could she expect to skillfully eat someone else's out? Karma never bothered to cover this in her Lesbian Binder.

"There" Karma breathed "That's the spot you were hitting in my dream. Your tongue felt so damn good. I was close Amy. Closer than I ever had been with…"

She would never let his name escape Karma's lips while she was in bed with her. Karma's statement reinvigorated Amy's confidence as much as it turned her on. She could do this. She would do this. Amy quickly moved her face into the apex of Karma's thighs and swiped her tongue across her folds. She was immediately met by a loud moan. It wasn't hard for Amy to find Karma's clit. She began to massage it with her tongue as she trailed her fingers down to Karma's opening. She was so fucking wet and she tasted amazing. Amy could never get enough of her. There was nothing more delicious in the world. Tentatively, she slipped her middle finger inside of her friend.

"Fuck, Amy. More."

Not sure what Karma meant, Amy added another finger and increased intensity of both her thrusting and the flicks of her tongue. Apparently, whatever she was doing worked. Karma's grip on Amy's hair tightened and she raised her hips up off the bed. Recalling what felt good when she touched herself thinking of Karma, Amy curved her fingers. Karma screamed as Amy hit the right spot. Amy smiled against her core.

"Does that feel good baby?" The vibrations from Amy's voice made Karma moan louder.

"So fucking good babe. Your tongue… fuck" Karma began to grind down on Amy's face.

Adding a third finger, Amy began to hum, noticing that Karma enjoyed the sensation. She could sense that her friend was close, and her sense of pride only pushed her further. Amy went into overdrive in order to bring Karma over the edge. She had never wanted anything so badly in her life.

"Look at me love" The term of endearment slipped out easily.

Karma's dark eyes met Amy's. Amy tried to take in everything about her face in that moment. She needed to see her reach her peak. She would always have that over Liam. He had never gotten Karma here. Only her. Only Amy.

"Let go. Come for me baby. I've got you" Amy said as she sucked on Karma's clit and flexed her fingers against her g-spot one last time.

Karma's release hit her hard. She was loud as she tumbled over the edge. And she was unbelievably beautiful. Amy now understood the obsession others had with people's o-faces. Karma had never looked more stunning than she did in that moment. Amy continued to lick Karma and slowly pump her fingers in and out as she came down from her high. Amy didn't even care that she hadn't gotten hers yet. She never needed to. This was already more than she ever could've dreamed of. And the memory would undoubtedly lead to countless orgasms.

She began to tenderly kiss her way up Karma's body. Amy wanted nothing more in this moment than to take Karma into her arms. To feel the weight of her head against her chest and hold her for the rest of the day. Hell, she wanted to have Karma pressed against her forever. However, she only was able to hold her friend for a mere moment before she slipped away.

"Thanks for that Amy" Karma said as she searched around for her discarded clothes. "Liam never got the job done and that vibrator my mom got me in seventh grade only takes triple A's. We never have those around the house. It's been awhile. God knows I've needed the release."

What?

What? What? What?

Did this mean nothing to her?

"I'm glad that we're such good friends that we can do this kind of thing no strings attached. You're actually pretty good at this. Someday, you'll find yourself a very luck lady" Karma winked.

Karma didn't want her. Karma wanted an orgasm. Karma used her to get off. As she watched Karma exit the room with a wave, Amy felt any sense of pride she had vanish. In fact, she suddenly felt very dirty. And used. It was not unlike how she felt after her tumble with Liam. This was not how her first time with Karma was supposed to be at all. It was supposed to be romantic and perfect. It was supposed to be the grand gesture that finally convinced Karma that Amy was what she wanted. That they were meant for each other.

Whatever it was, it was most certainly not that. It actually probably was the worst thing Amy had ever done.

**AN: **I am finally back after a long hiatus! I also just had to fix my wifi to get this up for you all. I hope you guys like it! It was not at all what I planned on happening when I started writing the chapter, but oh well. It also definitely isn't the end. Don't worry. I hope that it was hot and semi-realistic. I'm a straight virgin, so everything I know about sex comes from other smut that I've read. If you have any ideas, suggestions, comments, or even complaints my tumblr URL is spoonster-hastings. Also, I'm not quite sure how long this will be and the smut will probably drop off at least for a little while, but I hope you will all still be along for the ride. Thanks so much!


	3. Chapter 3

Somehow, the world didn't fall apart after Amy's night Karma. After Amy fucked her senseless and was subsequently left behind, used and abused. So what that her best friend used her for an easy orgasm? Karma knew that Amy was in love with her and she took advantage of that for a quick fuck, but oh well. Amy liked it during the sex, didn't she? She didn't care that Karma hadn't gotten her off. And it proved that was she most definitely Karmasexual. Amy handled faking it. She could handle being a one night stand for Karma. She could probably even suffer through a friends with benefits situation. Sex was sex, wasn't it? And no matter what, her and Karma were best friends. The past school year had proved that their love was unconditional, even if it wasn't fully romantic.

So it wasn't hard for Amy to forgive Karma when she showed up the next morning with a 12 pack of donuts and the first season of Sex and the City on DVD. As the cuddled up for what Karma called the quintessential show for young, sexually aggressive women and ate Amy's favorite food, Amy could pretend that everything was back to good. She could pretend that the scent of Karma's pomegranate shampoo was not driving her insane. She could also pretend that the little moans Karma made when she yawned weren't reminiscent of the loud ones that escaped her beautiful friend when she came. And she definitely could pretend that Karma nuzzling her face into Amy's breasts while sleeping was not making warmth pool in her lower stomach. Amy had gotten good at pretending. When you were Karma's best friend, you didn't have much of a choice.

It wasn't that Karma was selfish. Ok, never mind. It was that. Karma was selfish. Amy knew that. Liam now knew that. And Karma definitely knew that. But in spite of her self-interest, it was impossible for Amy not to love Karma. It wasn't like selfishness and being a good person were mutually exclusive. And wasn't everyone a bit selfish? Yes, Karma had taken advantage of Amy multiple times to get what she wanted. And Karma was in no way above manipulating other people or situations in order to help herself. Karma went after what she wanted, and a lot of the time she hurt people in the progress. It sucked.

But, at the same time, Amy knew it was never on purpose. Karma was loving and compassionate and empathetic and caring and just generally one of the best people Amy had ever met. Hell, despite everything she put Amy through, Amy still considered Karma the best person in the world. She never meant to hurt anyone. She never meant to repeatedly shatter Amy's heart. She didn't actually want to use those who cared about her the most. Karma just wasn't perceptive about those things. And, as Karma had said herself, she was a fucking teenage girl. She made mistakes. So did Amy. They were kids and they were dumb and they were selfish. But at least they had each other, right?

"Karms, we're fine right? Don't you think we should… I don't know, talk about what happened that night?" Amy stroked Karma's hair as she questioned.

Karma stirred slightly and raised her beautiful eyes to meet Amy's, once again stealing the blonde's breath away.

"Do you need to talk about it Amy?" her voice was still heavy with sleep and it was so unbelievably sexy.

"Kind of, yeah. I mean Karma, you know how I feel. You might want to ignore it, but I can't. I feel it all the damn time and us having sex just…"

"Amy," Karma interrupted with a laugh "we didn't have sex! We can't have sex! It doesn't count if there's no penis. I thought everyone knew that!"

Amy didn't know that. Actually, fuck that. She knew that that was bullshit. What happened with Karma was sex. Amy had fucking poured her heart out into making love with the girl. It felt more like sex than whatever Liam had done to her with his dick a few weeks back. It was meaningful. It mattered. Despite the shock at the end, Amy would've given anything for that to have been her first time. It would've been perfect just because it was her and Karma, just the way it was always meant to be.

Amy wasn't the type to be overly romantic or lovey-dovey, but she knew that what she shared with Karma was sex in its purest sense. It wasn't the random mashing of genitals that she had experienced with Liam. It was the ultimate expression of intimacy and love between two people who genuinely cared for one another. Or, in Amy and Karma's case, one person who was in love and one who had to be, but just didn't know it yet. At least, that was what Amy had thought. But every time Karma had opened her mouth recently, she seemed to contradict that.

"Karma, that night was important to me. And it was sex. I know it was."

It wasn't quite what Amy wanted to say. She lacked eloquence and had never been very articulate. There were a million things that she wanted to tell Karma and never could. There was so much her friend would never understand. Amy's heart felt heavy again, just as it had the night of the wedding and the morning that she slept with Karma. Was love supposed to hurt this badly? Was friendship?

"Amy, it was just us trying to deal with physical needs. We are horny teenagers! I needed an outlet for lust and you were there. And you're pretty hot for a girl."

Karma had never been like this before. Karma had never fucking tore her heart out like this before. Amy was starting to lose track of what she had ever even seen in Karma. When had she become so cruel? What was before misguided selfishness was now a complete disregard for Amy's feelings. Karma used to be the only one who even cared about Amy felt. Karma let Amy sleep over for three weeks when her dad skipped town. And then another two when her mother had married for the first time. When there was an awful thunderstorm during geography in sixth grade, it was Karma who followed an almost sobbing Amy to the bathroom and rocked her against her chest until the thunder subsided. And it was Karma who had then come over to the Raudenfeld house for every subsequent summer storm because she knew that they were Amy's ultimate fear. And it was Karma who always remembered to bring Amy Red Vines and Twix the day her period started because she knew how badly cramps fucked up Amy's mood and she also knew that food was the only way to cheer the girl up. She had known Amy better than Amy knew herself. But now it seemed like she didn't know her at all.

"I'm a teenager who is in love with you! I can't separate my love for you and my lust for you. God Karma! I have one physical need. I have one need in general. You. You in every way. Every single part of you. I want to love you physically, mentally, emotionally. I already do Karma! And I thought that if my confession didn't make you realize, that making love to you would! That'd you finally realize it was me that you wanted. That I'm the one who is perfect for you. How can you not see?" The words poured out before she could think them through, but at least they lifted a huge weight off of her chest.

Karma faltered, if only for just a second. For a brief moment, she finally revealed some vulnerability to Amy. It felt like the first glimpse of the girl's real emotions that Amy had gotten in weeks. But it was gone as quickly as it had arrived. Karma steeled herself before speaking.

"I do see Amy. You're trying to manipulate me. You can't fucking make me fall in love with you! You can't magically sweep me off my feet and make me trade in our friendship for some fucked up romance that will probably end in both of us hating each other! I'm trying to do what's best for both of us by keeping emotions out of this. Can't you see that?"

"See what? You using me because you're horny and Liam isn't available? You taking advantage of my feelings for you? You know how much I love you and you hurt me anyways Karma! Do you even care about me platonically anymore? I can't just be another fuck for you. You're the one who is ruining us. I'm already moving toward hating you for the shit you've pulled lately."

It was a low blow. She didn't mean it. She couldn't mean it. Amy would never be capable of hating Karma. But in this moment, she knew she definitely wanted to hurt her.

"Amy, I love you. I've always loved you. You know that. And I'm just confused and trying to figure everything out and I am so lost. I should've never…" Karma choked back a sob.

"You're right. You should've never slept with me. You should've never made me fake it with you. You should've never even became my friend. You're toxic Karma. Right now, I don't even know what I ever saw in you. You don't love me. You love yourself. You love attention. You love the way that I Ioved you. But you could never fucking love me. And now I'm wondering how I ever loved you…"

"Amy…" Karma was hyperventilating. "Amy please don't. Please stop. We'll fix this. I'll never hurt you again. I fucked up and I'll spend the rest of my time atoning for that. I'll do whatever it takes to be deserving of your friendship. I'll stop using you. But just people don't…"

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." Amy didn't even recognize the words coming from her mouth.

Karma looked broken. Her face showed every painful emotion that Amy had felt for the past few weeks. And as she watched Karma leave, utterly shattered and sobbing, for a second it felt good to hurt her friend the way that Karma had hurt her. The revenge was petty, but it was satisfying. She derived some sick form of pleasure in the pain that she had caused Karma. Amy even caught herself thinking that the bitch deserved it.

But the feeling faded quicky. And that one moment of happiness didn't justify the weeks of misery that Amy's actions propelled herself into headfirst. Once again, after experiencing betrayal at the hands of her closest friend, Amy had acted out in a way that was so much worse. Somehow it was always her that irrevocably fucked up their friendship. She was awful. This was all her fault. She had fucking let this happen. She had told the most important person in her world that she hated her. She had made Karma believe it. Amy had hurt Karma more deeply than anyone else had in the world. Nothing Karma had done to her would ever justify that. Karma could kill a thousand puppies and outlaw donuts and cancel House Hunters and Amy would still not want to hurt her. And yet, she did

Karma wasn't the bitch, Amy realized. She was.

**AN: **So, more angst and no smut. I think I am a bad person. And I am for some reason reflecting that in Amy and Karma right now. I do hope that none of you abandon this. Normally I hate angst and yet here I am writing it. Or at least trying to write it. Please bear with me here. Fluff is going to happen. I love Karmy. I want them to be happy. And I know that they love each other. We'll get there on the show and in this fic. But, there will be bumps. Also, sorry about what Karma said about lesbian sex. Obviously, I don't share the sentiment but I can see Karma being really ignorant and just saying dumb stuff like that without realizing the implications.

Once again please message me at spoonster-hastings on tumblr with any feedback or ideas! If you hate the angst, come yell at me (politely)! And help me think of a path because when I just start writing, I end up here haha. I hope you guys enjoyed this at least on some level and thanks again for being supportive and reading. I love you all so much.


	4. Chapter 4

Her phone was ringing for the tenth time that morning. It was surprisingly easy to ignore. Amy knew it was Karma. She also knew she had no idea what to say. Instead of facing her best friend (ex-best friend?), she pulled a pillow over her head and attempted to sleep. Sleeping was basically all she had done for the past few weeks. That and avoiding Karma at all costs, which was in itself an exhausting task. But it was worth it. Honestly, she didn't know how many more times they both were going to fuck up before everything was ruined. It probably already was.

Amy finally moved from the comfort of her bed when the rumbling of her stomach became too loud to ignore. Finishing an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's sounded pretty damn good right now. All she had to do was make it downstairs without being seen by anyone and she could continue to wallow in her odd mixture of self-pity and self-loathing. It was a good plan. But of course, in Amy's life nothing ever went according to plan. She opened her bedroom door to see Karma standing there, hand extended out to knock. Karma looked as bad as Amy felt.

"Karma…" Amy didn't have the time or patience for this shit.

"I love you Amy Raudenfeld. I am in love with you."

"Karma seriously you need to lea-" It took a minute for Karma's words to sink in "wait what?"

"I'm in love with you. And I was just so scared. I've always been so fucking scared of everything. Since the threesome, I think the only thing I've felt is fear. I didn't want to lose you. But I knew I would never be good enough to keep you. So I pushed you away. And I pushed myself toward Liam. Even when every fiber of my being was calling out for you. For us"

Karma pushed past me to sit down on my bed. Am y stood still, frozen in the doorframe.

"And then everything just got so out of hand. I fucked him. You told me you loved me and blindsided me. I was trying to ignore my feelings. And I had finally made things right with Liam, even though in the process I knew I had hurt you. So I pushed you away again. Then you fucked him and my world came crashing down. I had never felt more betrayed in my life and I had no right to feel that way. But I still knew I couldn't lose you. So I tried to preserve our friendship."

It was everything that Amy had been hoping to hear and had never expected to. It was the first time they had been open with each other in months and it was unbelievable therapeutic. Amy was tempted to go and wipe Karma's tears off of her cheeks, but she was afraid to interrupt her monologue.

"And that I had that damn sex dream. It was nowhere near the first of mine that you starred in, and it wasn't even the last. Damn it Amy, I wanted to run. I wanted to escape from the situation because I knew that whatever I did, it would be fucking awful. But you didn't let me. You have always loved me and always seen the best in me. You've always thought of me as a much better person than I actually am. I have no idea what I did to deserve you Amy. To deserve your unconditional love despite treating you so poorly. Hell, I even did it on purpose. I am the worst friend ever…"

Finally joining her on the bed, Amy put her around Karma. She could never stand to let Karma think those things about herself. She was amazing and beautiful and perfect even with her flaws and fuck ups. Amy couldn't stand idly as Karma put herself down. Karma never deserved to feel bad. She never would again if Amy could help it.

"No Karma, you aren't. You're human. You make mistakes. You've made a lot of them. But you always fix them. You're always there. You make everything so much better. You've made me so much better. I have no idea what I'd be without you. You deserve so much more. You deserve everything."

Amy took Karma's hand in her own, rubbing her thumb against the back of it.

"Amy, no. Just no. Let me finish. I need to just get this all out there. Please take everything in before you let me in to hurt you again." Amy opened her mouth to protest, but Karma continued on quickly. "And so I used you. At first, I wanted to reciprocate. You made me feel so good. So loved. I waited my whole life for a fairy tale experience, and in that moment I got it. It didn't matter that it wasn't typical lovey-dovey love making. It was passionate and it was dirty and it was us. It was just two people in love. Two people sharing love. And for some reason, I couldn't handle that."

Karma dropped Amy's hand and fell back on the bed.

"So I made up some bullshit to hurt you. If I hurt you, I wouldn't have to deal with you again, I thought. I could just run away. You would finally see me for what I was, a complete fucking bitch. A bitch who used you for sex. I tried to detach any meaning from what happened that morning. I tried to make it out in my head as pure animal urges. And I almost convinced myself. I really did. That's why I allowed myself to come back the next day and apologize. I actually felt bad. Not even about lying to you, but about using you. I had done some weird doublethink to convince myself of my own fucking lies. It felt like I was faking it all over again."

At this point, Karma was full on crying. Amy's chest felt tight. There was a lump in her throat that she couldn't quite swallow. This was far worse than anything Karma had put her through. Watching Karma hurt was the worst torture imaginable. Amy laid back, taking Karma into her arms. She maneuvered the brunette so that her head was resting on Amy's chest. Gently, Amy started stroking Karma's back. Pressing a light kiss to the top of Karma's head, Amy began to whisper into her hair.

"Sshhh. Baby it's ok. We're ok. We don't have to do this right now. I forgive you. I love you."

"No, Amy. I need to say this. I'll never forgive myself if I don't get all of this out. I need to be open with you. I owe you that at least."

Karma turned so that she was the little spoon before continuing.

"And then you asked to talk about what happened. About how I hurt you. And my web of lies and self-deception started to unravel. I realized how badly I fucked up, and yet I continued to dig the hole deeper. I lied more and more and more. I tried to take away the meaning of what should've been the most beautiful thing we've ever done. I even tried to completely disregard lesbianism. I let myself become a fucking bigot in an attempt to not deal with my own problems. And finally, my plan worked. I broke you. I broke the best thing in my world."

Karma sobbed inconsolably for a few minutes while Amy tried to do anything to fix her. And Amy herself wanted to break down. She couldn't handle Karma hurting. She felt as though she was dying a slow and painful death.

"When you told me you hated me, I finally realized how stupid I was. How stupid I had always been. It was so clear to me in that moment how badly I had fucked up. And I knew that I deserved your hatred. I still do Amy. You should hate me. Please hate me. I love you enough to know that you deserve better than I could ever be. And that's why I am leaving you to find someone better."

Karma stood and brushed the wrinkles from her dress. Amy watched her move in slow-motion. It was only when she reached the door that Amy had realized what Karma had said. What she meant to do.

"Karma, no! What the fuck? No, no , no, no. You can't leave me. Not after all of this. Not after everything" Amy forcefully grabbed her wrist and tugged her back into the room.

"I hurt you. I'm never going to let myself hurt you again." Amy wasn't sure if Karma was trying to convince Amy or herself.

"_This_ would hurt me more than anything in the world. I would hate myself forever for letting you leave this room. For letting you leave me. But I could never hate you. I love you so much. More than I ever thought possible. And now I know you love me too. That is enough for me. That's all I need. We can work out the rest later."

"But…"

"No. We are in love. And we have both been hurt. We have both been shitty people. But now we have each other. And we are so fucking perfect for each other. Everyone else can see that. And I ready to embrace it, to embrace us. Now that I know I have you, I'm never letting you go."

And with that, Amy swept Karma into her arms and kissed her. Really kissed her. She even dipped Karma back, just like in all of Karma's favorite rom-coms that forced Amy to watch over the years. They weren't perfect. They were nowhere close. And they had so much more to figure out and so much more work to do before everything would be fixed. But in that moment, they both knew it would be worth it. Everything had been worth it. They had each other.

**AN: **BAM done. It's over y'all. It was super smutty and then super angsty and then super dramatic fluff. And this chapter is my shortest yet. But it's over. I really hope you guys liked it. And I hope you felt I stayed true to the show and the characters. It was a lot of fun to write. I'm glad you guys supported it. If you all want a sequel, I'm game. I'd love to explore how they actually recover from all the shit that I needlessly put them through. And I'd love to give actually fluff. Just let me know on my tumblr spoonster-hastings. Thanks again, so much!


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